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i have been through problems, i dont have a door and my dad left me when i was just a little baby and if u think thats bad it gets worse both of me parents have been to jail and my dad several times and he has kids and just got dna test on them and i found out that my sister really isnt my sister but i am always going to be there for her and he just had a baby with this other chick he has four kids and has a girlfriend who has three kids and when i was younger i was abused and homeless i had to live with my grandma for two years with out my mom or dad that was the hardest thing i have done and i have cried myself to sleep not knowing why. my mom and her fiance have been fighting over nothing my moms boyfriend does weed and so does my dad and everyother of my moms boyfriends and she doesnt care but when i smell it i cry cuz when my dad got high he left me in a hotel with mexicans he didnt even know i have been though 2 shotins and have been to 9 different school i got beat by my aunt by a belt for nothing. i have been bullied and caled names since 1st grade till 3rd then it started abck up again and i get into fight with my moms boyfriend all the time. i hate being myself for knowing that i have been though a lot and i can't change it. As well as i go i have been through hell and the thing i dont understand is i havent hurt my self over it and i always act like nothin has happen but thats not it i have hid all of this and when people ask me why i look sad i say oh because i dont feel good but i have stomach aches because i have held all of this in and i cant take it anymore and i get yelled at because my mom doesnt understand she says she does but she doesnt and no one does besides me know why because im the one living this life my dad has told me i could live with him if there is till problems because my moms boyfriend argues with me over nothing and next time u better believe im socking him in the face and im out of this situation i dont give a crap my mom doesnt need him we took a walk and she said if was to get up and leave she wouldnt care cuz im better then he is and my brother is living with me and im the oldest and al the others are blinded because my mom and her boyfriend want them to think the world is perfect well let me tell u the has a long time before it becomes perfect.
To Whomever May Read This,
A lot has happened to me in my lifetime and I’m only 14. Things good and other things not so good. When you look at me you don’t really see ME, you just see a girl who, as most people put it, is a drama queen. Everyone thinks my life is perfect or that I am spoiled but truth is.. my life is NOT perfect and I’m NOT spoiled. I’ve had a rough life growing up. Since the time I was 7 up until now I have had nothing but problems withmy dad. I have woken up various mornings to find him gone and I don’t mean to work. I have been left homeless. I have watched my mom take my dad just to watch him walk out again. Tell me again my life is perfect and as far as being spoiled, HA! You can forget that. Almost every month we are tight on money, I don’t shop at the brand name stores, I have never been to the mall except once or twice, the only big thing I have that labels me as spoiled is my iPhone 4 and thats it, and to top it off I don’t exactly live in a house, I don’t have a real door, I don’t even have a true roon. Now please call me spoiled again I beg of you.
Basically the point here is you can’t judge a person by how they look. The prettiest or the strongest person could also be the ones who have gone through nothing but hell. Think about that next time you look at me.
Sincerly,
Just A Girl.
Peer Support
Blue
Blue
Both Blue/ Green <3
Blue
Now In the 1 Previous Picture. Its said Both Blue/Green. But now here's a closer look on what looks good with Green Eyes <3
Green <3
Green <3
Green!
Okay Yess he has Brown Eyes.. But he's cute so..
People say I'm ugly. I wear make up. Not enough.
People say I don't have 'swag'. I go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Not enough.
People say my hair is ugly. I straighten it almost everyday. Not enough.
People say I'm no fun. I smoke drink and do drugs. Not enough.
People say I'm depresssed. I get medication. Not enough.
People say I have no heart. I say "I Love You". Not enough.
People say I'm boring. I party. Not enough.
People say I'm too skinny for my age('cause of drugs). I eat. Not enough.
People say I'm a loser. I get friends and a boyfriend. Not enough.
People say I'm weak. I stand up for myself. Still not enough &' I'd be a "bitch".
People say I should just die. I try and commit suicide. Not enough &' I'm wrong.
People say I don't try my hardest. I try so hard. Not enough.
People say I don't show hapiness. I put on a fake smile and laugh everyday. Not enough.
People say I'm ignorant. I be nice to everybody. Not enough &' I'm fake.
I look in the mirror every morning practice my fake laugh and smile, put on make up, straighten my hair, And wear brand new shit. Have the 'freshest' shoes that are out. Then I take my meds. Ready for my life, but secretly wishing I was prettier, happier, funnier, able to please everybody, &' wishing I were gone or invisible.
We were on a field trip and I was sitting with my friends Allie, Jazmine, & Jah'Nel
There was only room for four of us so our friend Clarisa had to sit with Sierra.
We're all sitting and talking then all of a sudden Sierra comes over to our table and goes "Hey Bitch." & I thought she was joking like we always do so I just said hey back. Then she goes "I heard you were talking shit like old times Giavanna Marie 'LastName'" & So that already set me over the edge cause she know I hate my name and I've been going by Gia since my dad died. I was so pissed and I told her to go away and she said "You know what your problem is, don't you?" & I said "Nope, I want to know what yours is." & She goes "GIA, YOU NEED A FUCKING HIGHER DOSE OF YOUR FUCKING MEDS YOU PSYCHOTIC BITCH!"
I haven't cried about something so bad besides my dad's death. She screamed it so everyone could hear , which they sure did. They even laughed. I called my mom from a teacher's phone to come pick me up, it's against the rules but I couldn't stay there any longer and they understood. I feel like a punk. But trust me, if she says she wants to fight me like she usually does with other people, I won't back down.
I just can't believe I was friends with her. & Turns out the reason my ex dumped me is because SIERRA said so, so they're going out.
Fuck this.
Team LeaderI never feel anything. It's like this overwhelming sense of peace but at the same time its not peaceful at all its haunting me. I feel nothing and care about nothing anymore. I don't care to talk to anyone including some of my best friends and family. To me talking has become pointless I'm never heard and no one cares for what i have to say so i don't know why i bother trying. I don't care to eat, most days i find myself forgetting to eat and getting sick. I never feel any emotion other then pain and sadness. I never feel happy like i used to, i never have fun doing anything, i never get excited. I used to be so happy just to see my family every morning and now I'm struggling and looking for a reason to wake up. I have no motivation for anything anymore. I feel nothing, Its like I'm trapped with no way out. I just keep sinking into this prison cell. Even when I'm thinking i struggle to do so. Its like my mind is shutting down but my body is still fully alive. I find no reason for anything anymore and no matter how hard i try I'm stuck here, trapped, a prisoner of my mind for God only knows how long.
Anytime I stop and think about the past really hard, I have to realize that everything happens for a reason. Yes, there are tons of hardships but thats life. Some may be harder than others, some easier. I think about everything that has happend up until now I realize I wouldn't be me today. There are people in your life that make life worth living and some you haven't even met yet. I guess the point is don't throw away life because you haven't even lived yet, there are so many things to be seen, people to meet, and loves to love. Nothing is worth giving up your life before you have even lived yet.
I know it seems like some times you can't get out, your stuck in a situation thats over your head. But there is always a way out, thats why they made ladders to help you climb out of deep holes. I can relate to most any situation, so please if you need a ladder let me be it. Don't think I can't help, if your worried about security issues you don't need to give me your real name or the names of those involved, but i can offer advice and hope. Maybe a friend if thats what you need. There is no doubt life can be hard and feel like its sufficating but contact me please before you dive off the edge. I may only be a teen but sometimes its easier to hear it from someone whose been in that kind of situation.
~A Friend~
btw heels may make your legs look great but are not so good for dancing and jumping around in. my feet are killing me
I'm out of school. It's officially my Summer. I've been out for a week now and I haven't done much. I always say "This Summer will be better than last." But that's far from the truth. For the past 3 years it seems it's going downn hill. I never do anything. I never know what to do. Last Summer I went swimming once! Who does that? Apparently Me. So I got my license a few months ago but I don't have a car, money, or a job. So I still can't do much because I don't want to ask my parents for money all the time. I need a job. I've been trying for a long time and Nothing. Why? Not a clue. So in my spare time I've been going through old clothes this week and bringing them back "in style" or "more appealing" I like clothes and fashion. But I go for all the bargains. Even rummage sales. Yes I said it Rummage sales. But that's okay. I love it! I made a couple cute shirts. And I'm hoping to do more. Welp that's just me rambling. haha
Life's good. Perfect everything.. Hair, looks, family, friends, boyfriend, house, school, everything... And then reality hits you in the face and you wake up.. You just cut off your hair and you wannt it to grow back because you hate not being able to pull it back, your far from the perfect body every guy (pigs) want (because it doesn't naturally exist), Your family has a lot of issues that a lot of people don't know about, You have about 2 true friends (but that's all you need), You fight with your boyfriend sometimes, Your house is not perfect but it's HOME, and you would rather not go to school and see all those people that don't care about you. But then you think about it again and I wouldn't change it. I love my family and friends and I'm glad I have a Home.
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